I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
