apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
