someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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