This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
