Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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