just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
