The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
