What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My breasts were aching with rage.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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