Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize