Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
