My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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