mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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