She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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