I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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