the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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