he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
