They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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