Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
