why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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