He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize