You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
