Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
