you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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