why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
