You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
