Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
