I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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