just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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