May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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