I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
