Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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