Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
