could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
