That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize