Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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