I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You ruined the universe
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
