mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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