My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
