This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
