he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
