I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
