The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
