epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
