I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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