i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
