Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
