remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
