I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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