I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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