Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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