He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
