my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
