why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
