the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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