He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
