i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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