You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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