i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
