Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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