Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
