Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
