She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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