You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
