how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
