um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
