If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
