don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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