Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
