He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
