u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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