you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
