After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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